This is a love story. When you were a little girl, watching Disney movies and listening to boy band songs, you would day dream about wearing that white dress walking down the aisle. You saw your 20-something year old self (because you thought that was old then), falling in head over heels love with this Prince Charming because, well that's what happened in the movies. What you didn't know is the real true love story you would embark on was actually with yourself.
Love is a funny concept, because we are told what it is, then always questioning if we are experiencing it. We never want to say it first, and we associate it with the potential of heart break. You many of times on the phone with your girlfriends, have debated if you loved 'him', if he loves you, or if its "lust". When you aren't in it, you want it, but then slowly begin to not trust it. But the very thing you are in search of and running from at the same time is actually not it. You see, love and loving anyone else is an incomplete concept unless you really fall in love with yourself.
The crazy part is you just assumed that was something that was innate and handed to you at birth. You thought with your name you also were handed the 'you love yourself' mental construct. What you didn't realize is loving yourself is not just the absence of hating yourself. A hot sunny day isn't simply the absence of rain, it also takes the presence of the sun. You worked out, you were an athlete, you accomplished many goals, but it wasn't until you were broken by someone else that you realized you weren't even there for you, loving yourself when you needed you the most.
I remember the day, the moment, when you woke up to this. You literally felt like this person took everything from you, drained you of your light, your emotions, your energy. Like they robbed you of your time. Then it clicked, those very things you were expecting out of the individual because "that's what someone does when they love you", you weren't originally even expecting from yourself. We hear it a million times, if you can't love you then how can you expect someone else to love you. But, actually applying that and really intrinsically embracing that is more than scheduling a Sunday Self Care Day.
After this realization the journey wasn't overnight and it wasn't all of a sudden "boom" you love yourself. You began to learn that life is a constant journey of falling in love with yourself, it actually never really stops. The more you let you, become you, the more you fell in love with you. Every year it was almost like you were stripping away all these accumulated layers of who you weren't and who you thought you should be and becoming more of the real you. You feel that same butterfly tingly feeling from your crush texting you, when you know you are on that path. When you love what you do and are fulfilling your passion and purpose, you get that warm fuzzy feeling inside. But just like any love story, it's not all roses and cute Polaroid moments, it takes work. It takes effort, it takes forgiveness of self for the mistakes. It takes introspective work to work on self. Love isn't easy. But, until you learn and let yourself fall in love with yourself, you will always be on a journey searching for something to replace this void, in someone else.
Just in case you have moments where you need reminding here are things to never forget:
- Stop looking for that someone who will be there for you no matter what, if you aren't there for yourself no matter what.
- You aren't trying to be perfect and you aren't trying to become what you think you should. Ideals and concepts are constructs made by others who never took the time to be themselves and love themselves so they find it easier to just follow the cookie cutter mold of life.
- Learn to be alone with yourself and your thoughts. Listen to yourself as you want someone to listen to you. Look at yourself, not in the hundreds of pictures in your camera roll for that perfect Instagram post...I mean really look at you, make eye contact in the mirror type of looking at you.
- Become the person you want to become, stop getting in your own way. You will only gain resentment towards yourself and a relationship with resentment is a toxic one doomed to fail.
- Never forget, this doesn't mean that love from someone else isn't important or going to happen. But when you love yourself on the level of being your truest self, your vibration will only allow someone who can love you in that very way. Don't settle for less, because that will only lower the vibration that you have worked so hard to elevate.
And hey you, one more thing....I'm proud af of you.
Catch my energy,